Santa Clarita should be a City utterly devoid of surprises. Everything is planned, usually about three years in advance by means of a series of spectacularly boring meetings. But lately, life and business in the SCV have been proceeding in defiance of what was planned for them. The trouble with getting more than we bargained for is that the "more" isn't often good.

More than a Back Rub
There are two types of massage parlors. The first is staffed by licensed and trained massage therapists. The second is staffed by "ladies of the night" wearing massage therapist costumes. This spring, a widely-circulated anonymous letter claimed that we have more than our fair share of the second type in Santa Clarita. The explanation was simple. First, there is plenty of vacant commercial space. Second, the Los Angeles County Business Licensing Commission isn't too picky about the types of businesses it licenses. Third, some industries are recession proof. Taken together, it was easy to see how Santa Clarita was getting more than it bargained for when it became the massage parlor capitol of California (title as yet unofficial).

The powers that be in Santa Clarita quickly responded to accusations that they weren't doing enough to stop shady massage parlors and their associated criminal activity. Captain Paul Becker said that SCV Sheriff's Station has been particularly vigilant. Over the past two years, more than 20 arrests have been made at Santa Clarita massage parlors. Many of these same parlors were shut down for licensing or labor violations. Any massage establishment open today is most likely on the up and up, and those that aren't will be discovered in time. Massages make a great present for mom come Mother's Day - just be sure it's a reputable one, or she might get more than she bargained for.

More than a Road
The final stretches of the Cross Valley Connector were finally linked this March. The CVC joins our two major freeways, allowing one to get from restaurants in Valencia to shops in Canyon Country in a matter of minutes. The grand opening was memorable, with a few lucky Claritans taking a ride in the Wells Fargo Stagecoach and others cruising
down the pristine roadway in antique cars. It was old meets new. There were city and state officials aplenty, toasts and gloats, and an audible sigh of relief over completion of this
much-needed roadway. Only in Southern California could there be such unrestrained joy summoned for several miles of asphalt and concrete.

Unfortunately, the road has come with some expensive, unexpected surprises. To build the CVC, the power of eminent domain was used to take 13 acres of land at the Whittaker-Bermite property. The city paid just over half-a-million dollars for the acreage, but some $20 million are now owed the owners for damage in the form of reduced property values and $7 million in legal fees. That's a
lot of money to add to the already hefty $245 million it cost to build the Cross Valley Connector. Thus, the city is appealing the ruling. If the appeal fails, then it won't just be the city that got more than it expected, but Claritans, who will have to pay tens of millions of dollars.

More than Designed
In the latest chapter of the saga to bring a new library to Newhall, it has become clear that more ideas don't make for a better design. The exterior of the library that is supposed to anchor a revitalized Old Town Newhall has been criticized for using too many modern building materials, being insufficiently "grand," and, according to Kevin Korenthal of the Newhall Redevelopment Committee, for looking rather too much like a ski chalet. At the last city council meeting before elections, many speakers from the Old Town Newhall Alliance and other groups said that they wanted construction on the library to move forward, just with a different facade.

Of course, changing the design of a building (even if it's just the outside details, as suggested) costs time and money. Councilmember Laurie Ender pointed out that all of the public
outreach that preceded design of the library might have been a bit counterproductive. Designer LPA Inc. had workshops with the community, and it may be that when everyone has a say, you end up with a building that is trying to do too much for too many interests. Regardless of the window dressing, everyone seems thrilled with the interior design of the space and with its goal of achieving silver LEED certification. In whatever shape and form the library is ultimately realized, I'm sure it will stand as another reason to heart Newhall.

This column is intended as satire and a (sometimes successful) attempt at humor. Suggestions, catty comments and veiled threats intended for the author can be e-mailed to iheartscv@insidescv.com.