It's the middle of summer and I'm on my way to buy a last-minute birthday card and bottle of wine, I am alarmed to find that, before me, lies a moldy, purple fabric-covered jack-o'-lantern with a hat. I start to walk away, wondering if there could be anything uglier or more ridiculously unnecessary, only to hear a woman call out to her friend, "Isn't this so cute?" There's no accounting for taste, it's said, and that seems especially true at Halloween. People have particular ideas about decorations, particular candy preferences and even particular dreads. Lately, it seems like there have been horrors and frights to awaken everyone's unique fears.

One in a Million
Freak accidents seem preposterously unlikely, but on rare occasion, these terrifying events do happen. Christopher Hawley's 2022 death after riding on Magic Mountain's X2 roller coaster seemed like such an accident. The coaster ran incident-free for years, but he died shortly after riding it. The LA County Medical Examiner found the recent college graduate had sustained major head trauma. His family filed a wrongful death suit against Magic Mountain. A trial was set to begin this September. Just before, however, a settlement was reached. The settlement came weeks after two additional head injuries were linked to riding on X2. Was it more random chance, or an emerging pattern?
The same question could be asked of recent shark sightings off SoCal beaches. We've always had great whites, makos and other man-eaters, but this summer, hammerhead sharks were seen off Laguna Beach, the Malibu Pier and Gaviota Beach. Nightmarish hammerheads normally don't stray north of Mexico, but warm waters and other shifts in this El Nino cycle could shake things up. If storms make the Santa Clara River swell this winter, that's just an 80-mile swim from Ventura to Santa Clarita for a shark. But what are the chances, right?

Somebody's Watching You
Having someone obsess over our every thought and action used to be the stuff of nightmares. Now it's a fact of life for anyone who uses a phone or AI or the internet. "They" are always watching, then using our information to send targeted ads or make a profit. Data collection has become so ubiquitous that it's now more mundane than troubling. There is one notable recent exception. Flock Safety cameras, about three dozen of which are deployed throughout Santa Clarita, automatically read license plates as cars drive by. Police may use the information to help solve cases, but there's a backlash.
At a recent city council meeting and on Santa Clarita's subreddit, Claritans have expressed dismay at being tracked. Nationwide, abuses have included the use of Flock camera data to track exes or to conduct unauthorized surveillance. Some of the concerns may sound like paranoia, but the unpopularity of Flock has created rare bipartisan agreement. In a recent Data for Progress poll, Democrats, Independents and Republicans alike viewed the cameras more unfavorably than favorably. According to Yahoo News' Rex Edison, there is a viral campaign to "de-flock" cities on Halloween, under cover of night. Relevant consideration: they definitely have night vision.

Gone in Minutes
I haven't been looking forward to reaching this final blurb because I have to write, of course, about the horror story that just happened in Newhall. Like many Claritans, I looked down at my phone on the morning of Monday, August 24 and saw a long list of messages and posts. Everyone was in disbelief over the massive structural fire in Old Town Newhall. Beloved spots like Newhall Refinery, the MAIN, Care Tucker and more were damaged or destroyed. And after so much money, hard work and love had slowly built up this part of Newhall, it felt like one step forward and 200 steps back.
Investigations remain underway as of my writing. Luckily, there were no fire-related deaths and heroic work by firefighters kept the flames from spreading even farther. The palpable terror of an out-of-control fire has now given way to the much quieter fears about what comes next and whether people will simply forget while those affected still struggle to recover and rebuild. Anyone who hearts the SCV surely hearts its historic center in Newhall, and I'm sure that the community will stand together to make certain that our neighbors and local businesses have a chance to dust off the ash and get back on their feet.
This column is intended as satire and a (sometimes successful) attempt at humor. Suggestions and catty comments intended for the author can be e-mailed to iheartscv@insidescv.com.