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When is not-news, news? In the SCV, pretty often. This isn't fake news, which is at least usually interesting. It's news that just wouldn't pass muster in most other metropolises of a quarter-million people. Journalists need to write stories about something and people need to talk about something, even when that something is nothing. This phenomenon goes hand in hand with blowing things out of proportion, because Claritans excel at overreacting to whatever the news of the day happens to be. We take our lack of news very seriously indeed.
It's time for high school graduation, which means SCV seniors are now just 10 or 15 years away from leaving home and entering the workforce. When that fateful day does come, they'll discover that working for a large company means having multiple bosses who all tell them to do different things. It's impossible to please everyone and sometimes you can't even split the difference. That's the situation that Santa Clarita finds herself in these days, except her bosses are different levels of government. Deciding which of many masters to obey is one of the challenges of adulthood and it makes the business of running a city more fraught than ever.
A chorus of sneezes heralds the arrival of spring in Santa Clarita. Pollen is the price we pay for having beautiful flowers to look at. And I, for one, am more than willing to take that deal, because I'm on team carbon-based biological life forms. I make this rather unusual statement because Santa Clarita is rapidly moving towards a more silicon-based lifestyle. It's robots, robots everywhere. The cold, unfeeling, inhuman creations are spreading through the valley, and alarmingly, we're welcoming them with open arms.
They say that there are 50 Eskimo words for snow - it's just the world they live in. By that logic, there should be at least 50 Claritan words for waiting. There's the helpless waiting of traffic; the anxious waiting at a stoplight next to someone you cut off; the aggressive waiting to find a parking spot at Westfield; and the nervous waiting to get across the street once you find a spot. And that's just for driving. In the SCV, you get used to wondering why it takes so long for things to get done.
With unemployment low and the economy growing, employers are wise to offer perks that keep employees' eyes from wandering towards greener pastures. Sure, we'll all be replaced by algorithms and robots in a few years, but for now, it's nice to feel appreciated and well compensated. Maybe it's a day to work from home instead of commute, a solid health insurance plan or matching retirement contributions. That's all fairly standard. But in some professions, the perks are far more surprising.
With Valentine's Day not so far away, you might start thinking about that special someone. But just because you find them unique and one-of-a-kind doesn't mean the rest of us do. Lots of people are good partners, tell corny jokes, have adorable dimples and share your fondness for '80s music. The world is lousy with overrated soulmates. To really stand out in a crowd the size of Santa Clarita, it takes more. You don't necessarily have to be the best at something, but you do have to have taken a path followed by few others.
30 Very Specific Things You Heart (or Hearted) about SCV
You've probably noticed the number "30" creeping into all the mail, posters and postings put out by the City of Santa Clarita. Now, the drumbeat of thirty-fication is reaching a crescendo. It's not to advertise that we're in the TMZ (thirty-mile zone), nor is it our ranking among LA's best cities, nor is it a memorial of the infamous Saugus Skirmish three decades ago. Rather, it's there to mark the fact that on December 15, 2017, the City of Santa Clarita will turn 30 years old. We've come a long way, Claritans, and it's worth pondering whether we are indeed acting our age.
Family members visiting for Thanksgiving usually have a to-do list, especially if it's their first time. Magic Mountain is open the whole week, so that's one easy stop, but all the rest require you to spend the holiday on a southbound freeway: Disneyland, trendy restaurants, the Hollywood sign, Venice Beach, big museums, Rodeo Drive, the Santa Monica Pier. No matter the destination, sitting in a car will be the main activity, which is actually about right for an authentic Southern California experience. But after all the running around, it's nice to have this dull, quiet place to return to. Santa Clarita is home to many - and people are looking to make it welcome even more.
It feels like Santa Clarita has a lot of murder trials because (1) We do, and (2) All of them drag out unresolved for years. Los Angeles courts are busy and attorneys are often in no particular hurry to get to trial, so we wait. But as summer gives way to fall, a few murder cases are finally moving forward, and some may even be wrapping up. Before you catch these cases on "Dateline"or binge-watching the Investigation Discovery channel, pay attention to the news as it's breaking.
Outdoor grilling season should mean burgers on the barbecue, not Fido in your Fiat. Yes, it's that time of year. Sheriff's deputies have already responded to multiple calls about dogs being left inside parked cars in the heat. They've even gone so far as to break windows of at least two cars in order to rescue the panting pooches inside. Excessive heat makes vehicles dangerous to man and man's best friend alike, but that's just the beginning. The destructive capacity of our beloved cars has been on full display all summer long.
Imagine living in Parma, Italy. You might know about the esteemed university, the art history, about the good and bad parts of the various towns, about some local folklore and colorful characters. But any time you told people where you were from, they'd immediately think of parmesan. Unavoidably, your identity would be tied to a pungent cheese. Magic Mountain is Santa Clarita's parmesan. It remains the defining element of our identity though we are far more than just some houses around an amusement park. To locals, at least, we're known for more - both good and bad.
The concept of "too late" is uniquely depressing. It's watching a movie where you know the ending, don't like the ending and can't pause or rewind to soften the blow. You can't even look away; it's coming, whatever it is. News is usually of the "too late" variety, but some of the happenings in the SCV have felt especially so lately. A few narratives that kept stretching on endlessly have come to abrupt ends in one way or another.
No one goes to Sacramento on purpose except for politicians - and our local radio station. This spring, KHTS AM 1220 ("Your Hometown Station") made its annual bus trip to California's capital city. Claritans go in hopes of influencing state politicians and power players. In other words, influential Santa Claritians mush into a confined vehicle, drive one of California's most desolate highways and disembark in a city that's like LA - the parts of LA without culture, celebrities or hope. But importantly, the visit to Sacramento reminds far-away politicians not to forget about Santa Clarita.
After all of the torrential rainfall, mudslides in burned areas and flooded roads this winter, the arrival of spring in Santa Clarita is very welcome indeed. We might even have a week to get outside before it's 100 degrees and the hills are crawling with rattlesnakes. Unfortunately, the springtime sunshine can't quite shed light on all parts of the SCV. Several dark and perplexing events shaded in mystery still linger on past winter's end.
Maybe it's our proximity to Hollywood. Maybe it's the "Real Housewives" idea that suburbs breed drama. Or maybe we just have a lot of attention seekers. Whatever the reason, Claritans want places to perform and to watch others shine on stage. We're in luck because more venues for performances of all types are on the horizon.
With Valentine's Day fast approaching, you might be thinking about the love of your life. If things are going well, is it worth buying a really nice present, maybe even an engagement ring? And if things aren't going so well, is it worth sticking it out - at least until you've gotten your Valentine's gift? With all of these questions, it can be easy to forget that we have all recently started another important new relationship in our lives. It's the one between us and our recently-elected representatives. They're still new on the job, but first impressions are forming fast.
One of the very few things that I'm truly good at is sitting under a pile of blankets and not moving for long periods of time. Sadly, human hibernation doesn't seem to be a viable way to spend the winter, so this innate talent goes unused and unappreciated. How to spend a chilly SCV winter, then? Storytelling is always welcome. There are plenty of new stories in the making and old, forgotten bits of history to be rediscovered and cherished. But for this month, let's look beyond the stories and consider the storytellers themselves - the people turning the chaos that is Clarita into meaningful tales.
According to the experts, Santa Claus maintains a naughty list and a nice list. For Santa Clarita, however, I think a WTH list would be far more useful. ("WTH," of course, stands for "What The Heck?" We're Santa Clarita, not Glendale, after all.) Why a WTH list? Well, a number of Claritans have been acting in ways that are equal parts naughty and bizarre. Their behavior makes you shake your head and scratch it all at the same time. Everyone's on edge this time of year, but let the following serve as cautionary tales so that you don't end up making headlines for the wrong reasons.
Politics is going to come up at the Thanksgiving table this year. It's simply unavoidable. If your gathering is a small one, everyone might hold similar political views. But if you're having a lot of people over, disagreement is a foregone conclusion. Counterintuitively, I advise seating political enemies right next to each other for dinner to keep their arguments contained. If you put them at opposite ends of the table, they're still going to disagree, but they're going to have to scream across the whole table to let the other person know. Thanksgiving dinner politics can't come soon enough for me, but first we've got the election that will set the stage.
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