The 'No Makeup' Makeup Look
Or, How to Waste Valuable Time & Money Looking Exactly like You Do Right Now
May, 2019 - Issue #176
I've got 99 problems and a lot of them are wondering where things are (Looking at you, keys and ATM card!), but the newest addition to my list is this: the "no-makeup look" trend.
Here's my issue: If your skin is flawless enough, moisturized enough, well rested enough and youthful enough to pull off this look, chances are you don't need a "no-makeup" tutorial - you probably don't "need" makeup at all.
There are ads in my social-media feed advertising foundation that "looks like you have nothing on." I appreciate your confidence in my naked face, Foundation Gods, but I'm not going to pay $58 dollars a bottle for a product that is made to look like I didn't spend $58 for a bottle of product. For $58, I want foundation that makes me look like my kid didn't wake me up at 5:32am because she was convinced there was a bird in her room.
I watched a "no makeup" tutorial on YouTube with my daughter and one of the key tips to achieving the "I woke up like this" look is to actually wake up like this.
The majority of the tutorial included suggestions like, "Drink plenty of water," "get at least eight to nine hours of sleep a night," "have a quality nighttime skincare regimen that includes cleansers, toners, moisturizers and serums" and there was probably more, but the message was clear: You have to spend a whole lot of time and money to look like you didn't spend any time or money.
If you love this trend, more power to ya. I wish nothing for you but cabinets full of sheer primers, only-slightly-glimmering highlighters, thin-veiled concealers and brow-shaping serums that are colored "clear."
As for me, if I find myself with an extra 15 minutes to make an effort on my appearance, I want it obvious enough to draw kudos and congratulations from impressed onlookers. I want my eyelashes to be so full and lush, a little wind kicks up every time I blink. I want my husband to think that I really did blush when he winks (Or twitches. Not sure, actually, now that I type that.) at me. I want people to think that I woke naturally to the calming sounds of tweeting birds outside my window, not that I uttered, "Honey, that's a trash truck beeping, not a bird," to an upset kid four hours after I finally crumbled into my bed.
Wake me up in time for the "makeup that looks like you put on a lot of makeup without really knowing how to put on makeup" trend. I think I can knock that one out of the park.
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