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December, 2020 - Issue #195
Remember those coupon books we gave our parents for the holidays? We're pretty sure some, like "I will Vacuum the Downstairs without You Asking" and "I'll be Nice to my Siblings for Free" never were redeemed, but the concept was solid. After all, the best gifts really are the ones from the heart. With that in mind, we give you our take on the 2020 Coupon Book.
Missed Connections:
This Coupon Entitles You to Extra Social Distance
To: Mom in the Frozen Food Aisle at Trader Joe's on November 2, 2020 at 4:32pm
From: The Guy in the Black Gap Sweater
I was the one in an LA Dodgers World Series mask who sneezed by the bags of pesticide-free blueberries. You were the one with a baby in the shopping cart who covered your kid's entire face with one palm with the speed and dexterity of a ninja while pulling your polka-dotted mask tighter with your other hand. It's just allergies, I swear.
I'm Still not Going to Vote for your Candidate but I won't Steal your Lawn Sign Next Time
To: My Neighbor
From: Your Neighbor
Listen, I still want to be able to borrow a cup of sugar from you and I still want you to ask me to get your mail when you're on vacation. Things might have gotten a little heated there, but in the end, I'd still give you the shirt off my back if you were in need.
I Forgive You
To: You
From: Me
I hereby forgive you for stealing (Er.. sorry! Using.) the majority of our home's bandwidth during my Very Important Meeting on Zoom so that you could play virtual drinking games with friends during the playoffs which resulted in me having to do my presentation with my camera off which resulted in me looking like an absolute idiot which resulted in me rebooting the wifi and changing the password so you couldn't log back on.
Treat them to a Big Ol' Bowl of Love
When you treat a loved one to a big slurpy, brothy, savory bowl of pho, you're not just nourishing their bodies with the freshest meats, vegetables and herbs - you're sharing love! Each bursting bowl of pho at Pho Sure is handcrafted from timeless family recipes by your neighbors. Plus, because pho is made with star anise, an antiviral, you're also gifting health!
Pho Sure 257-3888
Missed Connections:
This Coupon Entitles You to Extra Social Distance
To: Mom in the Frozen Food Aisle at Trader Joe's on November 2, 2020 at 4:32pm
From: The Guy in the Black Gap Sweater
I was the one in an LA Dodgers World Series mask who sneezed by the bags of pesticide-free blueberries. You were the one with a baby in the shopping cart who covered your kid's entire face with one palm with the speed and dexterity of a ninja while pulling your polka-dotted mask tighter with your other hand. It's just allergies, I swear.
I'm Still not Going to Vote for your Candidate but I won't Steal your Lawn Sign Next Time
To: My Neighbor
From: Your Neighbor
Listen, I still want to be able to borrow a cup of sugar from you and I still want you to ask me to get your mail when you're on vacation. Things might have gotten a little heated there, but in the end, I'd still give you the shirt off my back if you were in need.
I Forgive You
To: You
From: Me
I hereby forgive you for stealing (Er.. sorry! Using.) the majority of our home's bandwidth during my Very Important Meeting on Zoom so that you could play virtual drinking games with friends during the playoffs which resulted in me having to do my presentation with my camera off which resulted in me looking like an absolute idiot which resulted in me rebooting the wifi and changing the password so you couldn't log back on.
Treat them to a Big Ol' Bowl of Love
When you treat a loved one to a big slurpy, brothy, savory bowl of pho, you're not just nourishing their bodies with the freshest meats, vegetables and herbs - you're sharing love! Each bursting bowl of pho at Pho Sure is handcrafted from timeless family recipes by your neighbors. Plus, because pho is made with star anise, an antiviral, you're also gifting health!
Pho Sure 257-3888
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