Family Time
September, 2018 - Issue #168
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courtesy of Shutterstock

"I HATE YOU!" & being the
Lighthouse our Children Need

by Mary Tan

"I hate you!" my 6 year old screamed as she ran to her room and slammed the door, leaving her 3-year-old sister sitting on the living room rug.

What happened? Boundaries were crossed, punches thrown and shouts escalated through the roof. Retaliation strategies ensued. I watched as they pivoted rapidly from joyful play to the crescendo of earth-shattering conflict.

Then, without notice, as soon as it rose, it bowed in retreat.
They negotiated for their own behalves without outside interjection. Within 15 minutes the rollercoaster ran from joy to chaos and back to a self-directed sisterly hug complete with authentic apologies.

What was the winning strategy? I stayed out of it 100 percent. The only thing I offered was unconditional love. Twice they ran over, desperately looking for an adult referee to validate the good guy from the bad guy. I didn't cave. Each time I volleyed the ball back into their court: "How can you solve this?" I questioned curiously. Then, I paused, waiting for a response.
"Oh, you always say that, Mom!" they fired at me angrily as they hurried back to the battle ground. Without taking anything personally, I chuckled, admiring the strength they had in claiming their individual boundaries.

These stress-inducing conflicts are actually critical moments for children to learn effective communication, self-leadership and stress-management skills. When you don't get pulled into their drama, you end up being the light tower standing on higher ground, able to hold the space for their transformation.

Mary Tan is the author of "The Empowered Child," published by Morgan James NY, now available on Amazon. She lives with her two little girls, husband and dwarf bunnies in Valencia.

courtesy of Shutterstock
courtesy of Shutterstock

Be Amazed by the Magic of LARC
October 14 Fundraiser Benefits Programs for Developmentally-disabled Adults"Be Amazed by the Magic of LARC" always, but especially during their fundraiser packed with live magic, entertainment, great food, fun, games and dancing.

"Wait until you see what we're pulling out of our hat for our fundraiser this year," said LARC Ranch Executive Director Kathy Sturkey. "Our fundraisers adopt a fun new theme each year and this year we're celebrating the magic of not only the residents we serve, but also those who contribute so much to improve the lives of the developmentally-disabled adults who call LARC home."

Headlining the October 14 fundraiser will be Michael Gutenplan, a world-renowned master magician, mentalist and psychic entertainer. Roving magicians will entertain guests with close-up tableside tricks while DJ Bino Bates spins tunes.
Proceeds from the event benefit the nonprofit organization's residential and day programs and services. LARC Ranch, in picturesque Bouquet Canyon just past Vasquez Canyon Road, provides a safe home environment for more than 100 developmentally-disabled adults. Adult tickets cost $125 each and children's tickets cost $50. A family package of $325 includes tickets for two adults and two children. Food and games are included with admission.

A True Story on the Truly Bad Costs of Probate
by Edward O'Hare

I want to share some info based on a phone call I recently had. A person who owned a house suddenly passed away; they didn't have a trust. The family contacted their friend and Realtor to sell the house. They all had a surprise to find out that they can't sell the house without doing probate - a court process - first. So in the call to me they are scrambling, asking about probate, the timeline - and the fees.

Here's the thing: Probate fees are set by California law. The fees don't vary from one attorney to the next; they are set in stone by the politicians in Sacramento based on a percent of the estate assets. Those same politicians don't allow for the home loan to be subtracted out of the probate fee calculation, either. They use the gross value of the home - what a realtor would sell it for - when determining the estate value and the fees.

So for this house in Santa Clarita, which will probably be listed at around $565,000, the math for the probate fees for the house alone works out to over $28,000, plus court costs, plus court oversight, plus it will take about one year to complete the probate, plus the fee will increase if there are other assets aside from the home.

People are always stunned to hear what probate fees are - and I can't blame them. It's shocking. This is why I'm happy to see many people creating trusts - because with a properly-created trust, your loved ones will completely avoid probate, as well as court and probate fees. It costs a fraction of the price up front to create a trust and the value is absolutely incredible. Here's a good rule of thumb in life: If you get into a probate I am happy to help, but do what you can and make decisions now that allow you to stay out of court as much as possible.
O'Hare Law 284-5000
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courtesy of Shutterstock

It's Time to Learn How to Speak: Auto Insurance
Over the course of your lifetime, you're going to spend thousands of dollars on something few people fully understand: auto insurance. Sure, our state requires a bare minimum, but do you know what additional policy protections you should consider for your family? We didn't either - so we looked it up. Consider this your policy primer.

Bodily Injury Liability covers injuries, lost wages, pain and suffering - and other damage you might cause to other drivers, passengers and/or pedestrians.

Rental Reimbursement may pay for a rental vehicle if your car is not drivable after a crash.

Collision may provide coverage for damage inflicted to your vehicle after a rollover or crash with another car or object. This coverage typically requires a deductible.

Comprehensive provides coverage for damage to your vehicle after a non-vehicle or non-rollover incident, such as theft or weather damage. This coverage typically requires a deductible.
Emergency Road Service may cover expenses related to a breakdown, including towing and locksmith services.

Medical Payments and Personal Injury Protection may offer compensation for medical expenses, lost wages and even funerals if you or other covered persons are injured in a vehicle-related crash.

Property Damage Liability may cover damage you cause to another individual's property while driving. This also covers court costs and legal expenses.

Uninsured or Underinsured Motorist Coverage may provide reimbursement if you're involved in a crash with a driver who doesn't have sufficient liability insurance - or any at all.

Still a little confused on what you need for your unique situation? Work with a client-centered insurance agent to determine what coverage is best for you.
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