Guilt... it's the gift that keeps on giving. I was born with a mutant gene; the guilt gene. I used to think that it was just a Jewish/Italian/Catholic thing, but the more friends I talk to, the more I realize it's widespread among the Depression Babies. My mom remembers the depression as many of your parents do. It was a time of sacrifice and deprivation, living on next to nothing, but always making do. What little there was, was canned or cured and somehow there was always enough to eat and some to share with those less fortunate.

Is it any wonder that when the Boomers started arriving, our parents wanted to provide us with all they didn't have? Growing up, I remember having enough food in the pantry and freezer to feed an army. When I was old enough to have a two-wheeler bike, instead of a basic Schwinn, my Dad bought me an English bicycle. My brothers had the best hockey equipment and we were denied little within reason. We weren't wealthy. My folks were simply hard working middle-class people.

Now, here comes the guilt part. There was this undertone of indebtedness that pervaded everything we were given. I often tell people that my mother does Novenas to Our Lady of Perpetual Guilt. We were not allowed to leave any food on our dinner plate. "Eat your food Ann, children are starving in China." By the time I left for college I was darned tired of hearing about the starving children in China! I remember my younger brother suggesting that we send our leftovers to them. Needless to say, that went over like a lead balloon.

Our guilt didn't come in little packages, but big suitcases. We're grown up now and it's pay-back time.

Over the years of selling long-term care insurance, I can't tell you how many people I've met who think that their children are going to take care of them. The majority of them are in for a big jolt of reality. If you've ever been a caregiver, you know the emotional, physical and often financial toll it takes. My mom is in a nursing home, and prior to putting her there, my siblings and I tried to take care of her because she wanted to stay in her own home. We were motivated by guilt, not reason, and after a few months packed her guilt bags and brought her to a loving, caring nursing home.

I surfed the internet and found over a million entries on guilt and guilt trips. It's consoling to know that this is a universal concern and not just applicable to a few of us neurotic souls. One site defined it as the most destructive energy in the universe. I can relate to that!

My exploration took me from Guilt Trip Charters (fly fishing trips), to "Guilt & Pleasure," a quarterly magazine that's helping Jews talk more, and everything in between. On the internet you can purchase Avoid Guilt t-shirts or download "dealing with guilt." There are many kinds of guilt: there is Catholic Guilt, Jewish guilt, diabetic guilt, dieting guilt, liberal guilt, "true guilt and false guilt." There is a site devoted to "What Missionaries Ought to Know about Guilt," and I even found one on how not to heap guilt trips on your dog (guess that makes it Fiddo guilt). And last but not least, my favorite was an internet reminder to "take grace trips, not guilt trips."

It's often said the one thing we can be sure of are death and taxes. It's time to modify that and add guilt trips, opening the door to a whole new world of truisms. Here's my suggestions: "Let he who is without guilt cast the first trip" or "Reach out and lay a guilt trip on someone."

Why, we can elevate guilt to its rightful place. Books can be written: "The 7 Guilt Trips of Highly Effective People." Game shows can be created: "Wheel of Guilt Trips." Reality shows will be aired, companies will be renamed ("Mom's Travel Agency: Ask about our guilt trip specials"), and guilt support groups formed. There could be songs written about guilt trips and love lost, plays performed and movies made.

It's time to stop now. I've gotten a group rate with the Guilt Lady who has a proven program for eliminating guilt from your life. I'm taking my mother with me.


Ann feels bad that she hasn't written you back. E-mail her a guilt-ridden reminder at afogle@insidescv.com.