I Heart SCV
Can you Spare some Change? Santa Clarita Now Home to Tea Parties and Indecent Proposals
June, 2009 - Issue #56
Graduations from high school and college mean it's time for many a fresh, eager young Claritan to begin the always-arduous task of job hunting. After spending nearly two decades in school being told that their education would help them get a good job, these people will finally have the opportunity to put a paycheck where their diploma is.

Actually, it's more likely that they'll spend a few months mooching off Mom and Dad while half-heartedly looking for employment and never quite getting around to handing out their resume.

Like good Claritans, they will eventually realize that it was all so much easier while gainfully busied, if not employed, by the education system. College of the Canyons will surely see an increase in applicants looking for an affordable way to convince Dad to keep paying the car insurance bill and college grads might delay reality for a few more years while they pursue a master's degree.

Of course, it's not only job prospects and educational pursuits that have changed because of recent events. Santa Clarita has changed, too.

Tea Time
Two shocking things happened in the SCV on April 15: (1)There was a rally of more than 1,000 angry people in front of City Hall, and (2)The angry people were mostly conservatives - those at the least demonstrative end of the political spectrum. Protesting big government and big taxes was what got them onto the streets with catchy chants and posters like "Honk if you're paying AIG's bonuses." It was one of many grassroots T.E.A. parties ("Taxed Enough Already") that happened around the country on tax day. Ours was organized by a mysterious person called "The Unknown Blogger" who made the hub of organization and discussion.

During the afternoon demonstration, the Claritan masses stood in front of City Hall expressing dismay over trillion-dollar deficits, government bail-outs and taxes. The endless procession of honking cars in front of the protest showed that thousands of drivers were also supportive of the cause - or just looking for an excuse to honk the horn. Among supporters, there were a fair number of people who preferred the shut-up-and-pay-up philosophy. Still, it's clear that the recession (and attempts to fix it) has made SCV's fiscal conservatives get out and speak out like never before.

A Man Called Kellar
City Council Member Bob Kellar is solid as a rock, a staid and dependable champion of community, safety and golf. But even he is embracing change. At an April City Council meeting he declared that during times such as these, we ought to "get back to basics." By basics he meant God, specifically adding "In God We Trust" to our logo as cities like Artesia, Compton, Oceanside and Victorville have done. Some found this idea a bit surprising, but recall that we're in the town of Saint Claire in the county of The Angels. It was only a matter of time before our City logo became even more religious. The "In God We Trust" addition will be discussed in later City Council meetings and probably put to a public vote.

Less than a week after this proposal, it was announced that Kellar made a decidedly different sort of proposal to girlfriend Kathy Keysor-Smith. The couple will be married this glorious month of June in a small, quiet ceremony. Kellar has indeed taken a fresh focus on the most important things in life: God, family and the Santa Clarita city logo.

There's a Bike on my Sidewalk
Many Claritans have been making money-saving changes of their own lately. After all, a latte still costs $3, and who among us is willing to give up their caffeine fix? Some have stopped driving to work, instead choosing to take public transportation or biking. For the perhaps tens of people who choose the latter option, the City almost adopted an ordinance that would allow bicyclists to use sidewalks. For those who don't leave the house much, sidewalks are a much safer option than streets in certain high-traffic areas. The trouble is, the bike people and City staff got hung up on particulars that all come back to issues of liability. Recession or no, the City can't afford to dish out cash every time some guy on a bike gets flattened by an Escalade.

The solution is simple: We should outlaw biking. Not only will we avoid legal headaches, but people will have to buy more cars, which is great for the local economy. While times and people are changing, a shift from driving to bikes and buses would alter SCV irrevocably. We drive, therefore we are, and that's one thing I heart and hope will never change about Santa Clarita.

This column is intended as satire and a (sometimes successful) attempt at humor. Suggestions, catty comments and veiled threats intended for the author can be e-mailed to
- What is the sum of 9 + 9?
This is a required value
to protect against spam
community events