I Heart SCV
What Took So Long?
April, 2018 - Issue #163
They say that there are 50 Eskimo words for snow - it's just the world they live in. By that logic, there should be at least 50 Claritan words for waiting. There's the helpless waiting of traffic; the anxious waiting at a stoplight next to someone you cut off; the aggressive waiting to find a parking spot at Westfield; and the nervous waiting to get across the street once you find a spot. And that's just for driving. In the SCV, you get used to wondering why it takes so long for things to get done.

"One of the STRONGEST STATEMENTS against ferret stigmatization came from Councilmember Cameron Smyth, who declared himself 'not anti-ferret.' Perhaps this is why a petition is aimed at Smyth. At last count, 864 ferret allies had encouraged Smyth and others to make the SCV ferret friendly."
A Fresh Start
I've always thought that perchlorate added a nice tang to drinking water, but the authorities disagree. That's why they have been cleaning up all the contaminants from years of industrial manufacturing at the Whittaker-Bermite site. It's been going on for over a quarter of a century. But now the end is in sight - really this time. No: really, really. Last fall, overseers estimated another year of work, and as of some recent meetings and updates, they're roughly on schedule. Efforts are being aided by bacteria that eat dangerous substances and render them safe. Delicious.

The reason that so many are so impatiently waiting for the clean-up to be over is because an open Whittaker-Bermite solves a lot of Santa Clarita's problems. Major roads like Via Princessa could arc and connect through the 1,000 acres and alleviate traffic. It would take less time for emergency response vehicles to cross the valley. Development would probably lean more towards business than residential; not even SCV realtors can sell a former hazardous wasteland. But that just means more jobs and less commute time. So yes, we've waited a long time for this, but hopefully it saves time in the end.

A Seat to Sit
In politics, we can all agree that election campaigns take up far too much time. Why does it take so long to figure out who we want to ruin our lives in Sacramento or Washington? Primaries aren't until June and the elections aren't until November, but the contest for California's 25th Congressional District seat - Simi, Santa Clarita and Antelope Valleys - has been demanding our collective attention for a long while already.

On the Republican side, incumbent Congressman Steve Knight is doing well with fundraising and won't have to spend much of his campaign's reserves quite yet. Attempts to go after Knight on issues like Obamacare, global warming and gun control haven't gained much traction, except perhaps among voters who wouldn't vote for Knight anyways. A number of Democratic challengers have stepped up. There are surprises like Jess Phoenix, a scientist who studies volcanoes and has managed to raise hundreds of thousands of dollars in small donations. Familiar faces include Bryan Caforio, whose credentials include losing to Knight in 2016. Katie Hill has also attracted significant donations and has been endorsed by influential Dems like Christy Smith. Want to catch up? Don't worry. There's still a lot of time to do so.

Ferret-friendly SCV
Enough is enough. The Santa Clarita City Council dilly-dallies with votes about roads, the homeless crisis and public safety while ignoring the real issues for years, sometimes even decades. I'm talking about ferret ownership. Ferrets, a charismatic member of the weasel family, are popular pets in most of the United States, but it has long been illegal to have one in California. This is due partly to concerns about what escaped ferrets would do to the environment. Megan Mitchell, founder of Angel City Ferret Club, thinks ferret fears are totally unfounded. Her group is asking Santa Clarita to stand up for ferrets in California with a proclamation and political pressure on Sacramento.

During a February discussion at City Hall, one of the strongest statements against ferret stigmatization came from Councilmember Cameron Smyth, who declared himself "not anti-ferret." Perhaps this is why a petition is aimed at Smyth. At last count, 864 ferret allies had encouraged Smyth and others to make the SCV ferret friendly. In Santa Clarita, like elsewhere, we often wait too long to act even when we know something must be done. Whether it's ferrets or some other equally noble cause, be proactive about hearting SCV; change life here for the better today.
This column is intended as satire and a (sometimes successful) attempt at humor. Suggestions, catty comments and veiled threats intended for the author can be e-mailed to
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