Evolutionary psychologists sometimes explain modern-day anxiety as a consequence of ghost lions. Over the millennia, humans who were anxious about a rustle in the bushes, whether from a real lion or just the wind, survived longer. Their kids had the same heightened vigilance. So modern-day people literally might be bred for a certain amount of dread and paranoia even when there are no lions to be found. It has paid to think about what could sneak up on us. As we enter October and all the haunted houses, ghost stories and horror movies it has in store, it may be wiser to face our fears than run from them.

Decisions, Decisions
Instead of the dread of suffering through a torturously-long political campaign season, this year's has felt crisp and short. Vice President Harris wasn't even running until summer. And closer to home, the final list of Santa Clarita City Council candidates wasn't finalized until August. City Council seats are open for Districts 1 and 3, which might be labeled "original Newhall and some original Canyon Country" and "start-of-the-millennium(ish) Valencia," respectively. Five districts were created after a lawsuit which claimed that Latino votes were diluted in valley-wide elections. District 1 is a Latino-majority district meant to address that. Bryce Jepsen, Tim Burkhart and Patsy Ayala are vying for the seat there.
The District 3 race, however, ended as soon as it really began. City Councilmember Jason Gibbs was the only person to formally enter the race. To save some money, the Council appointed Gibbs rather than having him appear on a one-man ballot. This frees up the typical District 3 resident to stop worrying about politics. Instead, she may now take photos of her HOA-approved front yard zombie and post with the caption, "Me before my pumpkin spice latte!" After much anxiety about a new election format, things settled remarkably quickly.

Safe City. Safe Roads?
Scary headlines are everywhere. Tensions are escalating in the Middle East. There is economic uncertainty. Justin Bieber is now a father. But a reassuring headline that comes out each year is that Santa Clarita is one of the safest cities in California or the United States or this half of the Milky Way galaxy. The most recent, widely touted figure was PropertyClub's ranking of Santa Clarita as the eighth safest city of at least 125,000 people based on crime since 2021. Other safe cities in California included Thousand Oaks, Sunnyvale and Glendale.
Yet still, people worry. Browsing Nextdoor can be a uniquely toxic echo chamber of gossip and fears, but it seems that those fears are often overstated compared to the dangers on the road. In recent weeks, there were fatal accidents around Santa Clarita involving collisions with a trash truck and with a semi truck. DUIs are all too common. One intoxicated driver is suspected to have caused an accident involving four vehicles. And this wasn't on some weekend night but at three in the afternoon on a Wednesday in August. So rather than fearing crime, maybe being a little extra alert on the road is wiser.

Fear for Sale
With so many new seasons emerging this year, from brat-summer to demure-fall, it can be difficult to orient oneself within the course of the year. Magic Mountain's annual Fright Fest isn't helping. "Fright Fest Extreme," this year's manifestation, runs September 7 to the first Sunday in November. Some 20 haunted houses and scare zones will pay homage to horror franchises ranging from "Stranger Things" to "Saw" to "The Conjuring," with concepts like "Sewer of Souls" and "CarnivHELL" mixed in. This means that you can be frightened by '80s inspired demons nearly two months before trick-or-treating, or scream at a possessed nun while supermarket freezers start to fill with brined Thanksgiving turkeys.
Fright Fest has been going on for years, and it sounds like the park is investing quite a bit to make this year a continued success. How does this square with the idea that so many people are so anxious - why purposefully seek out terror? Maybe it's a cathartic release. Maybe it's nice to externalize fears into something concrete. Whatever the explanation, if life in the SCV fills you with dread, getting your screams out may help you remember the reasons you heart it, too.
This column is intended as satire and a (sometimes successful) attempt at humor. Suggestions and catty comments intended for the author can be e-mailed to iheartscv@insidescv.com.