Spring cleaning isn't what it used to be. Once, it included purging stacks of mail, receipts and documents, but most of that is digital now. Our paperwork, so to speak, never really gets cleaned out. Traces of what we bought, what caught our interest, what we photographed and more seem to hang around indefinitely. While it's depressing to think that my 2011 email for the Mountasia Groupon code will forever remain in a kind of electronic purgatory, forgetting to clean up our more sensitive information is much more concerning. It seems that one way or another, Santa Clarita's secrets come to light.

Can You Afford That?
It's no secret that life in Santa Clarita is expensive. Even a so-called $10 burger probably costs double that because of all the driving in between. But folks here seem to be getting by just fine. The kids play their sports, the whole family vacations and there's always talk about bigger houses and pricey universities. But WalletHub is calling BS on this facade. In a report they released earlier this year, Santa Clarita ranked the absolute highest in average household debt across 181 cities coast to coast. Are Claritans going into debt to keep up appearances?
Per the report, the typical SCV household has $22,753 in credit card debt. Put in terms better understood by Claritans, that's about half a dozen French bulldogs, hundreds of dinner dates in LA, or 1,669 gallons of boxed white wine - enough to fill up a few hot tubs. A number of other SoCal cities also ranked high on the list: Fontana, Riverside, Rancho Cucamonga, Glendale. They all seem to be in that sweet spot of reasonably high household income and unreasonably high lifestyle expectations.
Superman Shuttered
Cedar Fair and Six Flags merged less than a year ago, becoming Six Flags Entertainment Corporation. Early rumors that some of its dozens of parks and properties would be closed were put to rest at the end of last year. Unfortunately, a different rumor was confirmed this spring. Superman: Escape from Krypton, has gone from being closed for repairs to closed for good. It was an exercise in both extremes and restraint: riders got rapidly accelerated into a vertical ascent around 400 feet high, then plummeted back down. Concise. In an interview with the Orange County Register, park President Jeff Harris explained that it was getting hard to source replacement parts. He kept what's next under wraps: "too early to disclose."
Six Flags was also in the news recently because of a lawsuit concerning the tragic death of a park guest a day after he rode X2, a very intense roller coaster, in 2022. The suit claims he sustained head injuries from the ride, but the park hasn't been commenting and X2 has continued to operate in the years since. With a trial set for October, it will take some time before all the relevant information in this very sad chapter comes to light.
Deal with It
It's not often that The Signal's editorial board calls a member of the City Council or their actions "shady." But that's the term they used for what transpired between Mayor Pro Tem Laurene Weste and Jason Tolleson, a developer. To build a mixed residential project, Tolleson wants to raze the old courthouse building in Newhall. It was placed on a shortlist of historical structures just over a decade ago. Yet it seems that Weste and Tolleson rather privately negotiated a $750,000 fee as the price of demolition - it would go towards historical preservation - and the rest of City Hall has been on board. Backers argue that the remodeled interior of the courthouse might not be so historic after all.
Around the same time all of this was going on behind closed doors, Weste penned a column for The Signal in which she wrote, "I have dedicated years of my life to the restoration and protection of our historical locations throughout Santa Clarita." So what gives? The Editorial Board pointed out that she owns property in the area that could be affected by new development. I think the whole community would heart some more open discussion, because decisions about SCV history belong to all.
This column is intended as satire and a (sometimes successful) attempt at humor. Suggestions and catty comments intended for the author can be e-mailed to iheartscv@insidescv.com.