There is the distinct sense that everyone in Santa Clarita wants to fight all the time. Some drivers fight to keep anyone from passing them. You can't signal until the last second because they'll speed up to block you. HOA members send threatening letters in their fight to control what bush you plant next to your front door and which exact color you paint said door. Some parents claim distant relatives' addresses as their own as they fight to get their kids into the best schools. It's exhausting, but there are different ways of fighting every different sort of battle. Conflict is unavoidable, so the only option is to figure out what works.

Roommate Nightmare
How do you deal with a terrible roommate? Even if they're poisoning you and you have evidence of it, the fight might be tougher and longer than you'd imagine. In a story made viral by video surveillance footage, a Santa Clarita couple's roommate wore a mask and sprayed what appeared to be bug spray all over their food and belongings. The couple said they did not directly interact with the roommate much but knew something was amiss. They found their clothing and other items destroyed and started feeling ill with a wide range of symptoms.
The couple gave multiple interviews and described the situation as a vicious cycle they couldn't escape from. The landlord hadn't been able to evict the roommate. To move out, the couple would need money, but they were spending a lot to replace damaged goods and on medical expenses that they now believe were associated with the chemicals sprayed on their food. When deputies from the Santa Clarita Valley Sheriff's Station came out, the roommate barricaded himself for hours before surrendering. He's since been charged and his family said he deals with mental health issues. Regardless, the aftermath will take time and resources to resolve.

Military Money
Do you know your way around a blowtorch? If so, you might be the person to help staff a large expansion of ASC Process Systems, Inc. in the Valencia Commerce Center. The company manufactures equipment for aerospace and other industries. In February, they leased over 80,000 square feet and will add dozens of new employees to their existing workforce. A lot of what they supply is autoclaves, which are big hot ovens needed to manufacture aircraft and the like. These products have plenty of peaceful applications, but also strong links to the defense industry.
That's a profitable space right now. When President Trump re-branded the Department of Defense as the Department of War, and then proposed adding $500 billion to the annual defense budget, the message was clear. It's a good time to be bullish on being hawkish, if you follow those zoological metaphors. According to the Santa Clarita Valley Economic Development Corporation's stats, 7.1 percent of SCV jobs are in advanced manufacturing, which often overlaps defense, and jobs have been rising steadily. The relationship between the economy and national security is worth considering. Long ago, Republican President Eisenhower mentioned something about the military-industrial complex... what was that again?

You Hurt Me Worse
In the cosmos, there are all sorts of stars: new ones, old ones, bright ones, hot ones. So, too, in Hollywood. Ashley Tisdale-French, a Valencia High School alum, was one of the biggest stars to come out of Santa Clarita (By way of New Jersey; 16 million Instagram followers.), though she now lives in LA. Her shine had been steadily dimming until January, when she wrote a now infamous treatise on celebrity mom groups. She lamented toxic dynamics in hers, advising: "If your mom group has gone from lifeline to landmine, give yourself permission to leave." Profound.
That story would have died, but scorned mom group member Hilary Duff (28 million Instagram followers.) brought it up months later during an interview with podcaster Alex Cooper (6 million Instagram followers.). Duff said Tisdale-French's remarks made her "really sad" and she "felt used." Fights in mom groups are nothing new, and this one falls under the category of find-the-real-mean-girl. Coincidentally, Duff is embarking on a new music tour, and Tisdale-French is producing and starring a new comedy for CBS. When you heart the SCV, it's important to check on former Claritans every now and then. Consider it done.

This column is intended as satire and a (sometimes successful) attempt at humor. Suggestions and catty comments intended for the author can be e-mailed to iheartscv@insidescv.com.