By I.M. Claritan
Santa Clarita, are we OK? This is not rhetorical. It's May, and there's a lot to think about. Kids might be graduating soon. A vacation may be on the books. There's a primary election barreling our way, and the state of the world is, well, what it is. In the midst of these times, it's worth just checking in on some things that may seem humdrum but can really make or break your day. As your boss might say, don't think of this as a performance review. Think of it as a check-in.
The Coffee Scene
In most cities, there is no shortage of artisanal coffee shops filled with baristas who like obscure music and pun-based WiFi passwords. After charging you $45 for a latte and avocado toast, they swivel the screen for your tip, move quietly to the La Marzocco and make a little heart as they pour oat milk into espresso, a heart you will immediately obscure beneath a plastic lid. Tale as old as time. Big cities might have a couple such cafes per block, but Santa Clarita is lacking.
Newhall, however, is giving it a shot. Henry's Coffee is good enough that it can be hard to find parking nearby. They are focused on their craft, even offering workshops. When I last stopped in, I found a bag of ceremonial-grade matcha, which runs almost $30 an ounce. I don't think I'm quite that discerning, but the option exists. If you continue down Newhall Avenue and Railroad Avenue, you'll closely pass San Fernando Coffee Co., Trophy Coffee at The Master's University, WE Lounge, and Bodhi Leaf Coffee Traders, all of which have their fans. Starbuck's may win the popularity contest, but options are growing. Coffee check-in: situation improving.
Driving us Crazy
We have family from Montana that usually comes to visit Santa Clarita in the winter. (You can imagine why.). They offer an important, outsider perspective on the state of driving in the city, and the reviews have not been kind. Drivers are distracted and aggressive. The single biggest problem is the left-hand turn. Our yellow lights are long and red light cameras left the city over 10 years ago, so drivers enter with no hope of completing the turn before it's red. This frustrates everyone else, who then turn into frustrated jerks themselves. Abandon all hope, ye who drive here.
When these drivers leave the SCV for LA, they'll find a less-forgiving landscape. Between May and July this year, 125 cameras are being installed and fines will be imposed if you drive more than 10 miles per hour over the speed limit. Some say it's all about the money. But earlier this year, protestors staged a "die-in" to represent LA's 290 traffic deaths in 2025, so the safety concerns are certainly there. Will the new cameras tame Los Angeles and leave Santa Clarita as the wild west of driving? We don't have to wait long to find out.
"Recently, SEVERAL HUNDRED GOATS were trucked out to Towsley Canyon to consume dry vegetation, reducing the fuel load and making for plenty of photo ops."
The Outdoors
After years of abuse, it seems that Mother Nature doesn't really want to hang out with us anymore. A record-breaking heatwave meant temperatures of 99 degrees in the middle of March. The heat seemed to force everything to bloom all at once, because the pollen forecast spiked and the thunder of sneezing echoed through the valley. And for those who did get out despite the temperatures and allergies, it's been a dangerous year on SoCal trails. A 25-year old man died after being bitten by a rattlesnake in Irvine and a 46-year old woman died after being bitten by a rattlesnake near Thousand Oaks weeks later.
In short, summer arrived early and all at once. It stands to reason that wildfires can't be far behind. But the City of Santa Clarita is preparing with a range of strategies, including some more natural ones. Recently, several hundred goats were trucked out to Towsley Canyon to consume dry vegetation, reducing the fuel load and making for plenty of photo ops. The goal is for them to cover about 50 acres before moving onto greener pastures. The other 45,000 acres that we heart in the SCV will be up to us.
This column is intended as satire and a (sometimes successful) attempt at humor. Suggestions and catty comments intended for the author can be e-mailed to iheartscv@insidescv.com.