We all have them; those ideas, beliefs or desires, "the shoulds" that we consciously or subconsciously hold onto as priorities for how we think the issues in our lives should unfold. These are the idols in our hearts. This can include how we think our children should be, which in turn affects how we parent them. If we're holding in our heart some idol or belief it often controls how we view our children and may set up unrealistic expectations for our relationships with them. A friend of mine is a mother of twins and we were recently discussing a book we had both read: "Idols of the Heart" by Elyse Fitzpatick.

It's the beginning of that eight-week rush to the holiday season. Thanksgiving is almost here. As parents we're gearing up for the mad dash that happens starting in November and ending New Year's Day when we finally collapse out of breath, out of patience, out of time and usually out of money. And what do our children see as they watch this frantic dash? They see us get more and more frustrated at the implied attitude that not enough is being done. What they pick up from us is that they need to get more, get bigger, get better, do more and be busier. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. Where have all the sound-minded parents gone? What are we teaching our kids year-round? I believe the holidays simply exaggerate what's going on all year in many homes all across America.

The other night my youngest son and I were watching the movie "Bringing Down the House." It's a comedy about a woman wrongly convicted of a crime who develops an internet relationship with a lawyer. Long story short, she ends up, for a brief period of time, as the nanny for his young son and teenage daughter. There's a scene where the nanny goes to rescue the daughter from a bad party experience, brings her home and then tells her dad what happened. Of course he freaks out. The nanny explains that freaking out in front of his daughter is unacceptable. This is one of those crucial life moments.

When I was growing up, nobody in my neighborhood had ever heard of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder(ADHD). There was the occasional kid who couldn't seem to sit still but their parents labeled them as "busy" and they were sent to play outside to work off the excess energy. Today, almost everyone has heard of ADHD and nearly every parent knows a child diagnosed with it. But even with all the information and literature, ADHD can still be complicated to diagnose and difficult to understand.

There are many children who will suffer from diabetes regardless of their activity level or eating habits (about one in 500), but this article is for all the kids who have or who are at risk for Type 2 diabetes - the kind that preys on the obese and inactive. In 1976, seven percent of children ages 6 to 11 were obese. In 2000, 15.3 percent of children were obese, according to the American Obesity Association. Think about your own childhood. Was soda as readily available?

Last September I wrote about my college-bound son heading off down the road less traveled and how much emotion was attached to that transition. I actually thought after my youngest left there was a hole in my gut and the only thing substantial to fill it would be one more hug from him. I confess I kept his bedroom door shut so his smell stayed in the room and I would randomly open the door, take a big gulp of "Zack" and start crying. Well, he's successfully navigated the big freshman year and he and his older brother are both home from their respective colleges for the summer.

If your sunscreen bottle is just as full in September as it is today, your kids might have missed summer, and the opportunity that comes along with it: summer is a fresh chance to make great changes. A client of mine said that her biggest regret with her children is that she didn't show them how to be physically fit. Since her priority was not fitness, her children's priorities were not, either.

We can't really know the depth of our character until we see how we react under pressure. It's easy to be kind, calm and collected when everything is going well, but how about when things aren't going so well? How about when we don't feel well? When money is tight? When the kids are all acting up at the same time? When we've had no rest and our pride won't let us ask for help?

Webster defines "bully" as "one who is habitually cruel or abusive to others," and defines "habitually" as "a mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary." In other words, bullying is an action done so often that one may not even realize they're doing it. A child may become a bully when they grow up with an aggressive model that is consistently repetitive. Too often in a child's life that model is their parent.

What is the one thing your spouse asks you to do that you haven't or won't? A dear friend of mine asks me this question every time I mention feeling frustrated with my spouse or when I questioned his belief in my abilities. I always pretended to listen to her and acted like I was going home to figure out the "something" my husband wanted, but I didn't want to consider the thing I knew he wanted. In my opinion, it was always something else, not the thing my spouse asked for, not the thing to which he occasionally alluded, not the something that I avoided like the plague.

"Don't worry, there's nothing to be afraid of." How many of us can remember being scared of something as a kid and hearing this traditional dismissive from our parents? Everyone has childhood memories of fear. Maybe it was the dark, or of getting lost in a department store, or big dogs, being left alone or meeting new people.

Self-esteem is a person's unconditional appreciation of themselves. Unconditional appreciation means accepting ourselves as we are, including our body, our feelings and our abilities. It means going beyond body image and recognizing our fundamental worth as a human being.

Did you think about your spouse's temperament or personality before you married? Did you ask yourself, "Is this the person I want to be with everyday until I die?"

We hear a lot about how important it is to help our children deal with trauma. In light of recent events, the media frequently parades experts in front of a listening audience in order to emphasize the need to talk with kids and find out how they feel about the disasters that have occurred in their world.

I was having a conversation about a week ago with a 17-year-old male high school student. I've known him many years, watched him grow up, and know he has loving and supportive parents. What shocked me about the conversation was not that fact that he shared he'd been using drugs on and off for a couple of years but the fact that he thinks his parents have no idea and wouldn't be able to handle it if they found out.

Future college freshmen are shopping for clothes and supplies like everyone else, but they're also shopping for luggage and laptops and taking down the posters from their room... As parents, how do you know that you've prepared them well enough for life? In the middle of pondering that very question, I came across and reread my son's college entrance essay. I'm so proud of him. Take heart moms and dads, you've taught them well. They will be fine in this brave new world they're off to conquer!

All children deserve the chance to have a healthy mom and all moms deserve the chance to enjoy their babies. However, postpartum depression can take that chance away. It's a very real type of depression that occurs after pregnancy. Unfortunately many women don't or won't tell anyone about the symptoms of postpartum depression because they feel embarrassed, ashamed or guilty. It can happen to any woman. I know. It happened to me.

All children develop at their own rate, including infants and toddlers. They have their own timetable for toilet training, sippy cups, crawling, walking, and starting to talk. The people around them and the events they experience influence the how and when they begin. As parents we help our children develop when we respect their rates of development and don't push them.

Okay, the title was really just to get your attention, but in all seriousness, I received a sincere query to last month's article entitled "Behind the Bedroom Door." For those of you who didn't read the article, I basically spoke to women about taking care of their husbands; it ruffled a few feminist feathers. I was told "to get my head out of the 1950's - did I think that a wife should be waiting at the door with her husband's slippers and a drink?"

Psychiatrist D.W. Winnicott came up with the phrase, "good-enough mothering." That phrase could be changed to "good-enough parenting." Winnicott said that parents can't expect perfection from themselves and that they will make mistakes. Normal parental mistakes will not prevent a child from developing into a healthy adult. Knowing that we'll make mistakes doesn't mean that we shouldn't work to build our children's self-esteem. In fact, one of the biggest parenting mistakes we don't have to make is forgetting the three most empowering words we share with our kids: I love you.